Men think they are trapped. They think that they’re ‘freedom’ (and that usually means whatever they would rather be doing than what they are doing right now) is an inalienable right that they deserve or have earned and that something has taken that from them.
It’s convenient for a man to think that it is a woman who has trapped him. This is the easiest way for him to not actually do anything about getting what he really wants, or committing to some idea of what he really wants. In fact, it is so important to a man that he feel that his woman is trapping him, that if she shows signs of setting him free, he will become deeply insecure and produce the feelings of hurt that we examined in a post a few days ago.
It is essential to masculinity that he feels people, institutions, rules and governments are in the way of his freedom. It is essential because he never wants to have the experience of having to make his dreams come true himself. He wants, instead to not have to take risks and to blame everything around him for his comfort not leading to exciting adventures.
Men will go to great lengths to support the belief that if it weren’t for whatever they deem to be in their way, they would be off having exciting adventures. They will pretend that they want a harem like Hugh Heffner – even though remarkably few men in all of history have ever been bothered to go to the trouble of making this life work for them. They will pretend they want to be a sports hero – even though they will never go to the trouble of practising, getting themselves out in the rain or on to the track when they are tired. Instead, it is something else that has prevented them from achieving these ‘masculine’ goals.
In romance novels the men take full responsibility for what they want in their life. Most of the time they feel very ready for relationships, so they usually go to great lengths to make that happen, but anything else that they may want, they just make real. No excuses, no blame.
